EBITDA (Adjusted) Cap

Because sometimes the truth needs a little creative accounting.

Product Truths (From Your Specs):
• 280 GSM cotton drill fabric - thick enough to absorb your existential spreadsheet dread
• Double-stitched edges - because even your cap should have better margins than your clients
• Adjustable strap - fits all head sizes (unlike GAAP standards)
• Embroidery detailing - sharp enough to cut through pro forma nonsense

When You’ll Wear It:
✓ Earnings call bingo nights
✓ Explaining "add-backs" with a straight face
✓ When someone says "EBIT is basically the same thing"

Warning: May cause...
• PE bros to ask your "adjusted" opinion
• Sudden urges to recast life choices as one-time expenses
• Unwanted "quick valuation" requests at parties